You may think yourself significant or perhaps you think very little of yourself.  Regardless, you are special.  You are unique.  You have thoughts and experiences and emotions that you alone have.  No one else has lived your exact life.  No one else has breathed your exact breath.  You were created unique amongst all the billions of people and creatures and plants that have ever existed.  What does this mean?  Your life, all that makes you, you, all that is in your heart, soul, mind, and body, can be thought of as your kingdom.  Your own little domain, your own little kingdom with its various walls and defenses, with its own wisdom and secrets.  Your life is your kingdom. 

How do we know we have a kingdom?  How do we know that we have our own little domain?  One of the clearest ways to help us understand this is when things don’t go our way.  When you are stopped from doing something you want to do or from going where you want to go, how do you respond?  When someone accuses you of something you don’t think you did, how do you react?  When our plans, when our pride gets blocked, we are frustrated and even angry.  Our kingdom has suffered an attack, and we don’t like it. 

When anger and frustration come to the front of our minds and lives, we’re revealing that something or someone other than God is in charge. Now, any number of factors can drive the main thrust and governing of our kingdom.  We can allow lusts or addictions to drive us (selfishness).  We can let the decisions and actions of others be the key driving force in our lives (people pleasing).  We can let the allure of success and money be our guide (greed and pride).  We can even let the desire to do good, but with wrong intentions guide us.  These, and so much more can be what sits on the throne of our hearts in our kingdom.  As we begin to recognize what is behind our thoughts, intentions, and motivations, we realize that something is off.  We must then reckon with the reality that, before the end of our lives, my kingdom must fall.  Not fall to just anyone or anything, no.  Your defenses and secrets and soul must be breached and taken over by the very one who created us in the first place; your kingdom must fall to God.  We have usurped His reign and control.  We must surrender it back to Him, and in doing so, we will find “life to the full.”

You see, God, I believe, is the one who created all that we see and know.  Psalm 24:1 says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.”  We are His and He created us.  He is the one who ultimately controls our future, and so it is to Him that each of our kingdoms need to come under control of.  It is only in Him that our lives can ever find true peace, security, and hope.  So, as we step back and look at our lives, at the motivations of our hearts, we must ask, who is truly at the helm of my kingdom?  What is driving me and motivating me?  Is God, and His kingdom truly what leads and affects my words and actions, or is it something else?  Has God fully infiltrated your kingdom? 

Black Lives Matter?  All Lives Matter?  How do we respond to the upheaval around us?  In this unsettling and uncertain time, I know and understand the tensions and discomfort that we have talking about race.  “Well I’m not a racist.” we may say, or, “I didn’t have slaves.”  “I don’t discriminate.”  “Why are people making such a big deal about it?”

As I reflect on my own life, I have to admit that I have benefited greatly from my race and gender, as a white man living in a country historically and currently, dominated by white men.  I know that my experiences are not the same as my black and brown brothers and sisters, but I want to learn and show empathy.  I want to be a partner.  I want to listen.  I want to recognize the subtle and overt ways that I, and people like me, build and perpetuate racial barriers.  I want to see through new eyes.  And as I learn, I will share. 

As a Christian, I want to be a part of the words of Jesus’ prayer in John 17 ringing true in all of our lives: “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you…I have given them the glory that you gave me that they may be one as we are one.”  Our unity is not that we all look the same, for God created our beautiful differences, rather it’s that our lives are surrendered to the God who created us.  It’s hearts and minds directed to God, led by His Spirit, seeking His Kingdom first.  Also, the glory that God gives us is that He is glorified through us.  So, may God be glorified in all that we do, say, and think.  May God be glorified in our relationships with one another.  May God be glorified as He reconciles us all unto Himself.

Now onto our question at hand – which lives matter?  Of course, when we say something or someone “matters,” that really means we have to do something about it.  Something or someone that matters to us, affects how we live.  And so the question, which lives matter, means we are asking, which lives am I going to have affect my life.  Which lives am I going to do something about? Which lives am I no longer going to ignore?

As we begin to look to God’s Word, we see that yes, every life matters.  As a Christian, I firmly believe that every human life, every race, is created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), knit by His hand (Psalm 139:13), and is loved by our Creator (John 3:16).  This pro-life ethic calls me to value and have basic dignity and respect for every person from the unborn baby to the 110-year-old man gasping for his last breaths; to people of all nationalities and races; truly, to “every nation, tribe, people and language” (Rev. 7:9).  Now, are we to provide the same care and attention to every human being on the planet simultaneously?  No, none of us can do that, we weren’t meant to, but God has placed us all in families and communities that we do have a greater responsibility for.  So when we continue at this question, and look from a biblical justice perspective, we say that the ones who need defending, the ones that need help, are the lives that we need to pay special attention to.  These lives and situations require some extra attention, some extra focus.  For those of us in the United States, we have to face the truth that black lives have not mattered in the same way and to the same extent that white lives have.  We have to have honest conversations about our history if we are going to move forward well.  These are problems and injustices that we can no longer ignore.

I read about slavery and segregation and thought that it was in the past, that we’ve moved on from that.  We work together now.  And yes, there certainly has been much progress, but the white supremacist notions of black inferiority that were present hundreds of years ago, are still with us.  No, none of us alive today owned black slaves as property, but the attitudes and beliefs that permitted slavery in the first place still linger around us.  Change must happen and it starts in the hearts and minds of each of us.

What follows here is just a small snapshot of racial discrimination and the ways that barriers were put in the way of blacks in the United States.  My hope is that as our eyes are opened, so will our hearts open.  My hope is that God’s justice and unity will guide us.

The first reports of African slaves being brought to, and used on American soil date back to 1619 in Jamestown, Virginia.  Yes, that is before the Pilgrims sailed the Mayflower and landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620.  We engaged in this practice of treating humans as property for over 150 years before the Revolutionary War.  Generations of Americans saw blacks as less than whites through the institution of slavery.

{Sidebar:  The sad history of what American colonists and eventually the full US government themselves did to Native Americans is atrocious on its own.  There are certainly related issues of white dominance and supremacy there as well.  Yes, the lives of Native Americans matter.}

So jumping ahead, the colonists win the Revolutionary War and are setting up a new nation, the United States of America.  Sadly, as the constitution was being written and ratified, black people were not considered equal to whites.  How do we know this?  The 3/5 Compromise.  This addition to the US Constitution (Article 1, Section 2, Clause 3) worked doubly against blacks, specifically slaves.  It said that for representative purposes in that state, slaves counted as 3/5 of a person, yet they were denied voting rights themselves.  So, it was literally in the Constitution that black lives don’t matter as much as white lives.  But this went on to harm black citizens and further propagate the institution of slavery by actually giving the southern states more representatives than if they could only count free citizens living in their state.  This gave the southern states more voting power in the House of Representatives and in the Electoral College for generations.  So that even as anti-slavery sentiment began to grow, especially in the northern states, there was a voting strength in the South that had to be reckoned with.

By the mid 1800’s splits and factions were beginning to form in our county over slavery.  National groups were beginning to split, and three major Christian denominations, Baptists, Methodists, and Presbyterians all split over the course of a couple of decades over slavery.  These divisions in our country began to bubble up in a way that could not be ignored in the lead-up to the 1860 presidential election.  The call for conserving the South and the institution of slavery grew.  The threat of the abolishment of slavery by Abraham Lincoln’s victory was so strong that Southern states began seceding from the Union only one month after his victory.   Very quickly, a new confederacy of southern states leaving the Union was formed, with Jefferson Davis, a former US Senator from Mississippi, as its first, and only, president.

Many elementary students in the US learned that while slavery was a part of the reason for the Civil War, the issue of states’ rights was really central to the struggle.  Even if that were true, it was primarily to preserve the state’s right to keep slaves.  But it’s not true, as the words of the vice-president of the Confederacy declared only weeks before the first shots of the war were fired.  In a speech, that is often referred to as the “Cornerstone Speech,” given in Savannah, GA on March 21, 1861 Alexander Stephens says:

“Our new government is founded upon … its foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition.”  (emphasis mine)

He went on to proudly declare that this new nation of the Confederacy would be “the first [nation], in the history of the world, based upon this great physical, philosophical, and moral truth.”  So, yes, the Confederacy was founded upon white supremacy and racial segregation, and the Civil War was fought to preserve these beliefs and the institution of slavery.

But the Union army won the war, slaves were emancipated, and slavery was abolished in the United States.  While it became illegal to own slaves, the white supremacist attitudes and beliefs did not disappear.  Sadly, they only adapted.

In the aftermath of the Civil War and Emancipation, freed slaves, who had worked for years, or their families for generations, with no compensation, were given no ground on which to stand, literally.  The economy, not only of the south, but of the entire nation, was held up by the free labor from slaves.  They now had their freedom, but many had nowhere to go.  There were attempts during reconstruction to provide freed slaves with land to get started on, the promise of “40 acres and a mule,” but these attempts were defeated, leaving many no choice but to return to plantations and work as sharecroppers.  Others were arrested on minor crimes and forced to pay off their sentences with hard labor.

The character and ability of blacks was continually questioned.  They were freed, but they were not welcome.  To make this unwelcome-ness abundantly clear, thousands of blacks were lynched from the late 1800’s into the mid 1900’s.  These mob murders typically needed little instigating, and those involved in the atrocities suffered little to no consequences for their actions.  During this same time, segregation laws and practices, known as “Jim Crow laws,” made sure that whites were provided the better working, education, dining, transportation, and housing opportunities, while pushing aside the needs and desires of their black neighbors.

These difficulties led tens of thousands of black families to flee the south for places in the north and west in the early decades of the 20^th century.  While the official presence of racist Jim Crow laws and things like lynchings were happening primarily in the south (though still existent in the north and west), sadly, there was not much of a welcome mat put out in these places either.  For example, one practice happening during this time that worked against black families is known as “redlining.”  Banks and home loan organizations would mark as “undesirable,” the neighborhoods where many black families lived.  Those living within those “red lines” had much greater difficulty, and often impossibility, getting home loans to provide security and build long-term wealth and equity for their families.

By the time many of these laws and practices were officially banned, the damage was already done.  The household equity that the average white family was able to build was exponentially higher that what many black families were able to build.  The loss of potential equity is still being felt in many of our cities and communities.   Sadly, in many places, this was not an accident.  It was not because the black families were less intelligent or less hard working, but rather the same root problems of white supremacy and racial discrimination did not go away.  It continues today in areas like the mass incarceration of blacks.   Black citizens make up around 13% of the overall population in this country, yet they constitute 40% of the prison population.  There is more going on than just saying blacks commit more crimes than other races.  When you put it in the historical context of our nation, we see the same mindsets that say somehow or in some way, blacks are just worse or lesser people.   The stain and pain of this thinking and belief is still with us today.

God spoke through the prophet Amos and said, “Let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream,” (Amos 5:24).  We must look in the mirror of our past with honesty and admit the sin of slavery and racism.  We must recognize the stones and barricades that have been put up to prevent that river of justice from flowing.  We must work together and take up the cause of justice for our black brothers and sisters, whose lives matter greatly to God, and must matter greatly to all of us.

References:

Kendi, Ibram X. Stamped from the Beginning:  The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America. Bold Type Books, 2016.

Tisby, Jemar. The Color of Compromise:  The Truth about the American Church’s Complicity in Racism.  Zondervan, 2019.

“Cornerstone” Speech, Alexander H. Stephens | March 21,1861. https://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/cornerstone-speech/.  Accessed 07/01/2020.

I have long lived my life trying to get people to like me.  It’s like a game, this fragile balance of trying to say the right thing to someone or do the right thing for them so that in return they would think well of me.  I didn’t always know that’s what I was doing and I wouldn’t have worded it like that.  I also don’t know all the reasons why I was (and am) doing it; I just knew that if I was nice enough or smart enough or faithful enough then people around me would likely be pleased and they would like me and that would be good.  I would find a measure of comfort and satisfaction with life if that happened.

I don’t think I’m the only one who has done this.  This is, in varying degrees, what we call people-pleasing.  We’re trying to find a sense of value and worth in the opinions and thoughts of others.  We want to please people so that they will think well of us.  Those of us with these tendencies really like when people praise us because that means our efforts worked, they like us! (Although you’ve got to be humble about receiving praise.)  But then we also feel really hurt when we’re criticized. (Although you can’t lash out because that’s not good to do either.)  We don’t often verbalize it so clearly, but we think we’re pretty special people when we’re praised and we feel pretty lousy, even depressed when we think people are looking down on us.

I’ve come to understand the term ‘people-pleasing’ does not mean a person seeks to please people for the other people’s benefit, rather it is a selfish and protective mechanism to ultimately please oneself.  People-pleasing really is about me.  It’s about finding security in the thoughts and opinions of others.  It’s about seeking worth and value in their eyes.  If other people are pleased, that means they like me and that means I am good or that I have worth.  So, consequently when that positive feedback doesn’t come it hurts because I believe the lie that my worth and value are dependent on the opinions of others.

Even worse, what people-pleasing is not about is understanding and believing who I am in God’s eyes and valuing that above anyone else.  This is difficult, and I believe is only increasingly difficult as our lives get busier and louder and more technologically driven.  We don’t hear God’s voice anymore.  I, and perhaps you as well, have neglected the long-standing practice of silence, prayerfully meditating on God, allowing Him to speak to us, allowing His voice to rise above the noise.  Because it’s only when we listen to His voice that we understand that He is the source of life, He is the source of our lives.  He created us and knows us and knows what we need.

He longs to speak to us as a loving parent pouring out love on a child.  He longs to walk with us through life’s challenges, guiding and redirecting as He knows we need.  He longs for us to know that we are worth far more than what anyone can give us or offer us.  True peace and life in Him is where we begin to find our worth.  We are valuable not for what we can do for others, but simply because we are created by and loved by the Father.

Our nation is on the brink of turning 240. While I don’t want to go into the state of our country or politics here, I believe each 4^th of July is an important time to consider our country, while deeply flawed, it’s still the place that affords us so many freedoms and has so much to enjoy. It is a day of celebrating, a day of remembering, and a day of thanking God for the freedoms we do have here. On a personal level, the day before our collective celebration as a nation, marks exactly 6 months since my last Sunday as pastor of a local church. Having stepped into this time not knowing how long it would be or what would come next, 6 months in begs for some reflection. And perhaps the most significant thing that I’m learning during this time is, are you ready for it…to be happy.

Really, you say, that’s all you got? To be happy? Let me explain.

It may not sound super-spiritual, but I believe that through this process of having what I’d gone to school for and worked at for over 10 years stripped away, not having a house of our own, working a physically demanding job (construction and remodeling), having over 20 interviews that have yielded nothing definitive at this point, I’ve learned that my happiness and satisfaction and even mission in life does not come from others, it does not come from a title I have or don’t have, it comes from a mind and heart submitted to God and willing to do what He has put right in front of me.

I now understand that a good deal of the dissatisfaction in my life was from the fact that I wanted something different. I wanted my ministry to work better, I wanted my family to function better, I wanted to have more peace and vibrant relationships with others and with God. My reality did not meet my expectations, and to the level that I didn’t adjust or accept my reality, I was harboring resentment. I was looking down on the things and unfortunately even the people who where, in my (hard-headed) opinion, not meeting my expectations. Let me explain this a little more specifically.

I’ve lived most of my life trying to have those around me think well of me. I try to be a nice guy, do the right things, and by and large, it’s worked out for me. As a result it made me feel good, and valued, and yes, happy. But recently, that was not the case. Not only were there some around me who didn’t like me, but that who I was and what I did was not valued and was rejected by them, and I’ve got to tell you, it was not pleasant. I have never felt so low. And I didn’t realize how much of my value and self-worth was tied to the opinions of others. I didn’t think it was, but I painfully discovered the truth.

While there were hurtful things said about me, I’m learning (this lesson I seem to have a great struggle with) that my worth, value, purpose, and joy (happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment) in life is not contingent on others’ opinions of me. My happiness and contentment in life is seeing what God has put right in front of me, the immense blessings and gifts that He has given me, and accepting that, loving that, and loving well the journey that God has me on. I cannot seek after what is not for me, or wallow in regret of what could have or should have been, but to let go of the unmet expectations in myself and in others, to forgive, to accept forgiveness, to recognize the beauty in those around me, to know that I am secure in my Father’s love, and how dare I think that’s not enough.

My world is right in front of me, a beautiful, wise, and faithful wife, 4 precious gifts that God has graciously loaned to me to love and teach, and hopefully give a glimmer of the goodness and grace that pours out to them from their Heavenly Father, and beyond that the promise of His faithfulness and presence. As God continues to be patient with me, teaching, loving, molding, drawing me closer to Him, I do look forward to being able to serve Him and serve others in a ministry setting again in the future. And I can truly say, I am happy.

I love learning new words.  Not just for the value of learning itself, but how, many times, a new word will help me understand something in a new way or help give a perspective that I hadn’t seen before.  I hope you will bear with me as I explain one such word that I recently learned, it may not be new to you, but it’s the word liminal. (The first part is pronounced like the word ‘limb.’)  It’s a fairly obscure word (in fact, WordPress thinks it’s a misspelled word) that is derived from the Latin word, limen, which means ‘threshold.’  Liminal means, ‘situated at the limen,’ or ‘situated at the threshold.’   To be in liminality (the noun form of the word) means that one is at a place of transition, a place of moving from one phase of life to another, like the time during a graduation ceremony or a wedding.  A person in liminality is finished or is stepping away from one thing, from one phase of life, but has not yet stepped fully into what is to come.

As I was learning this word, which was introduced to me at a conference by Daniel Vestal, one helpful image that came to mind is that of a trapeze artist who has leaped from one swing, but has not yet taken hold of another swing or another trapeze artist’s hands; they are in a suspended state, they can’t go back to where they were, but they are not yet at where they are going.  This is a space of excitement, fear, adventure, worry, thrill, unknown, and hopefulness all wrapped into one moment.

Those of you who are familiar with my story can see why this word resonates with me right now.  I, and my family, are in a state of liminality right now.  We have left one thing behind, we have stepped away from our ministry in Orleans, but we are not yet where we will be in the future.  We are at the threshold of our future, but as we are reaching out our arms to take hold of what God is leading us to, we reach out to uncertainty.

As I reflect on this time in our life, and as I think on this word, liminal, I realize that for the disciple, for the follow of Christ, this is not just something we go through at different phases in our lives, but rather this is to be the state we are always in.  As each of us stands on the thresholds of our own futures there is only One who knows that future.  There is only One who holds that future.  Every moment of our lives ought to be lived standing on this threshold and leaping out in faith that God will not only catch us, but will plant our feet on His good ground.

The words that come to mind to help explain this are Paul’s words from the second chapter of his letter to the churches in the region of Galatia, Galatians 2:20 ^“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” 

My life is no longer my own.  My future is no longer my own.  The life of the follower of Christ, the life that I want to live, is one of complete faith in God, complete surrender to Him, opening myself to Him, leaping into His future, trusting that He is good, that He is wise, that He is secure and strong.